Dear Dr. Jane,
I'm in love with my wife. We have a pretty good relationship and we both like sex, but intimacy's been difficult this summer. We've only had sex once since the kids got back from camp. There's always something in the way. It seems like they never sleep, or if they do sleep, it's all day on the couch in the living room, surrounded by empty pizza boxes. The weather's hot and the smoke puts us both in a foul mood. Feels like there's always something that's in the way. We need new ideas to help us keep things going.
From,
Feeling hot - but not in a good way
Dear Feeling Hot,
I hear you! It's very difficult to find the time, space and energy for sex when you're overheated and overwhelmed. We all think summer's going to be filled with relaxation and pleasure, but plot twist — more often than not, it's usually just the opposite. Here's what I recommend:
Tip 1: Get away
Love getaway sex? Rent a hotel room or even an AirBnB for one night – or for a weekend. Or just rent a room for Friday but sleep at home. Hotel sex is amazing for lots of reasons. There's no laundry piled up on your bed, there aren't dogs sleeping between your legs, and you can't hear kids making ramen in the kitchen.
What if you're not into spending the big bucks for a third floor king room — no view? Dig out your camping gear. Make a child care plan and hit the road. There's something sexy about sitting on low slung chairs as the August moon rises over the lake. Heck, even the smell of bug spray can be sexy when you're alone together. Pro tip: one of the best things you can do for your relationship in general is to find and keep reliable child and pet care.
Tip 2: Get comfortable
Staying home instead? Think about ways to make your own home (and particularly your bedroom) feel relaxing, sexy and comfortable. Add an essential oil diffuser. Call the carpet guys if Fido's been naughty. Or consider getting an air purifier just for your room. Make sure you can cool things off. A rotating fan does wonders. Fill glasses with water, ice and sliced apples or strawberries. When things get sweaty, sit up and help your partner take a sip or hand feed her a tasty piece of fruit. It's so sensual.
Maybe it's time to invest in new linens. I totally get it that things are busy right now, but upgrading your linens is something you can do even when kids are around. You may be thinking all sorts of wicked thoughts as you change the linens and set up the fan, but your kids won't have any idea. Sexy chores for the win.
Tip 3: Get creative
Want to try something new? We know life is short. But most of us still slog through our days doing the same old thing, in the same old way, leaving any possibility of heart-pounding experiences in the realm of romance novels and Netflix mini-series. When you're having new and creative moments with your partner, it's a lot easier to make time in your busy schedule to get naked. It finally feels worth it to make the effort. What would it look (and feel like) if you spent time talking about things you really want? I'm not suggesting that you go Full Kama Sutra, but there are ways to approach intimacy creatively. Would it be fun to add some new sex toys to your life? Are there things you could put in your bedside table that would make sex more fun? Find a "sex blanket" (google it) or put thick cushy towels in a basket near your bed. Surprise your partner so you can both feel truly celebrated and comfortable.
I know that hot summer days and nights when the kids are everywhere aren't ideal for the kind of hotness you're looking for, but when you try these three tips, you've got a great chance of having the right kind of steamy fun before sweater season sets in.
You got this.
Xoxo,
Dr. Jane
