One of the things I do when I am not with clients or writing is providing leadership and team building programs for all kinds of folks.
Recently I was working with a group of counselors at Mountain Adventure Tours, a camp near Sun Valley, Idaho. The camp was created 27 years ago by our son, Mathew. For the past 12 years our daughter, Jessie, has been the director. All of our grandchildren are now campers and the older ones are already planning to be counselors. As their Papa, I've been invited, for the past 10 years, to bring another generation of leadership experience into their flourishing program.
Being a camp counselor, like all jobs, is not always easy. Supervising children from ages 4 to 15 in activities including rock climbing, river rafting, outdoor cooking, horseback riding and overnight camping is not easy. There are daily challenges, and also lifetime rewards for everyone involved.
We began the training in our traditional circle with a check-in. Each counselor shared an experience that fully met their highest expectations as a leader. They spoke of sharing the rich joy and excitement with their young campers — watching their campers unwind from the school year into the freedom of rediscovering themselves in nature. First-time experiences of every kind are joyous. Making the very best out of a chilly, snowy June day was satisfying for everyone.
The demons part of the leadership program followed. Not only are there daily heart and soul highlights, there are also, predictably, challenging times. One of the counselors spoke about a difficult time in her week after making a poor decision. The words "I'm not good enough" and "I screwed up" hadn't stopped ringing around in her head as we gathered in our circle a few days later.
"I'm not good enough."
"I really screwed up."
You probably have heard words like this in your head, too. Sometimes they last for just a few hours. Sometimes, a few days. And sometimes...a lot longer. These are our demons' favorite messages, skillfully delivered to make us believe we're inadequate. That we're failures. And they are not true!
Like I have done in previous groups, I asked everyone to raise their hand if they had ever heard these same words running through their head. There was a short pause, and then every hand was raised.
In a previous group of elementary school teachers, in a similar scenario, every single teacher raised their hand. All of us have demons, and they tell us only one thing — some version of "we are not loved" and/or "we're inadequate" or "someone else is better." That's their only job, and they are masters at their trade!
"I'm a jerk."
"She's a jerk."
"He doesn't like me."
"They don't like me."
"I hate them."
"I really blew it."
We each have our own demons taking up space in our all-too-receptive brains.
Hardly anyone escapes this challenge.
I wish someone had taught us this lesson when we were in kindergarten and had given us tools to manage this not-so-pleasant part of our lives.
So, how can we combat our little devils?
First, take a breath into your belly and remind yourself that you are normal. You are just like everyone else in the world. There is nothing wrong with you. Just like gravity, they're simply part of life.
Second. Know that your demons are exaggerating and lying; they're just doing their job. Besides, they're ignoring the 98% of you who shines. Don't listen to them.
Third, and most importantly, go higher — with vigor and determination. We need to be more rigorous than our demons. Tell yourself the truth! Sure, I made a mistake. Sure, someone might be mad at me. Sure, sure, sure...
But stop beating yourself up.
Say, "I am good person." Say it again! And again! And again...with vigor. Then count your infinite blessings...with vigor!
So why should we love these demons??
Because every time, they remind us to go higher.
That IS why they're here.
We all need their reminders.
I love life and sometimes it's hard work.
But not always.
Blessings...
- Burt Gershater is a local counselor, leadership trainer, speaker and writer. He can be reached at [email protected] .
